It's been a while...

I've been too embarrassed to write. In November, I chose to leave my adorable apartment in Austin and move in with family. Our future seemed uncertain from where we stood then. Evan wanted to become a firefighter upon leaving the army but that hiring process takes approximately six months. I was applying to law schools and had no idea where or when I would be accepted. Our lives were and are very much in the air. I think we made the right decision, but it's hard when someone asks "So what are you up to?" to say "oh.. we moved back home." So I was ashamed for living with family and at the same time having the gall to be ashamed while accepting gracious, unblinking hospitality.

And then something shifted. I realized that it's nice. I realized that I like the awkward placement of chairs around a table that is only slightly too small. I like having so many people to talk to. The house we live in is spacious and while we definitely don't trip over each other, the living situation is more crowded than we are used to. People are always coming and going; I'm never quite sure how many people there are in the house at any given moment. I like the noise that gets made by so many people. I love sitting down to dinner together and hearing details of everyone's day. I like being one big family.

Evan and I are transitioning back to civilian life and it's so wonderful to have a stable base in which to do that. For the first time in years, there is no deployment hovering on the horizon. We can trust that tomorrow will probably be a lot like today. The weight that's been lifted off of us is immense, but it's also something to learn to get used to. Essentially, we have to redefine our personal definition of marriage from something that involves a lot of waiting and promising into something that is constant.

I also realized that in many, many cultures, perhaps a majority, young people live with their parents for decades. American culture is unusual in its encouragement of young adults to leave and start over in new homes of their own. Evan and I are not so strange and I shouldn't be embarrassed by something that I'm truly in love with. I think I'll be able to blog more now.