Hi There.

Hi. I've been out of touch for a while. Sorry about that. I just didn't have anything worthwhile to write about. I still don't. But I decided that if I didn't start blogging again soon, I might never start.

It is very hot in Austin. The temperature in direct sunlight is almost the same as the temperature in the shade in Iraq. I avoid going out and I am very grateful that I can park my car in the shade. Evan and I are over half-way done with this deployment. We are closer to two-thirds than half. I am counting down the days until he comes home. Sometime around Samhain I'll be moving back to Fort Hood. Leaving Austin and my swanky apartment in my swanky neighborhood makes me sad. But the other option is for Evan and I to live apart for over 6 months. There are downsides to both.

Lately, I am pre-occupied with law school. I have started researching schools, programs and tuition rates. I am requesting transcripts and letters of recommendation. I am building excel spreadsheets with information about places to which I might apply. There is so much information and there are so many choices. My list of schools changes everyday. This is not like applying to college, (or "undergrad" as I will now be forced to call it). When I was picking colleges there were people around to help me choose them and to offer advice, (even if I didn't want it) and my parents and friends visited several campuses and we spoke with many department heads. And everyone - I mean everyone was supportive. No one tried to talk me out of going to college or tried to tell me that I should scale back my ambitions and get a certificate in some trade. No one offered me their dreams in exchange for my own. When I told people I was going to college no one shrugged their shoulders and said "Well.... okay... if that's what you want...." I feel very alone in this pursuit. Maybe it's because I'm deciphering information and making decisions on my own this time. Maybe it's because no one in my family has ever been to law school. I am fragile. My self-confidence is easily dented. If I was wealthy I would hire my own personal cheerleading team to follow me around and shout inspirational chants. (They would have the best outfits. Rachel knows.) Most people have been supportive. Most people wouldn't say "maybe you shouldn't reach so high..." to a loved one. The vast majority of my friends and family are willing to do everything but choreograph cheers and some of them might even do that if I asked. They know who they are and I love them very much.

I have decided to go to law school because I want to be an advocate for feminist organizations, (preferably feminist sex worker organizations). I am very certain that this is the path I am supposed to take. I think I would be a good advocate. I might be able to affect positive change instead of just lecturing people in coffee shops, (...not that I've ever done that). I want this. I know that I'm supposed to pursue this but that doesn't mean I'm not a little scared. If you can't offer real encouragement, then please do me the favor of not talking to me until I get my confidence up. It might be a few months. I'll let you know.